Congressman Forrest’s latest ad buy only fueled the complaints that his campaign had difficulty staying on-message.

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609. special interests

September 1, 2011

The one thing all the special interest groups could agree upon was that Congressman Forrest’s pandering was becoming increasingly transparent.

607. the shift in strategy

August 31, 2011

Brian Forrest’s decision to suspend his own campaign and run directly for the role of Romney’s VP ended up merely confusing everyone, including German speakers.

599. the straw poll

August 15, 2011

Like his fellow Minnesotan, Tim Pawlenty, Congressman Forrest’s remarkably poor showing in the Iowa Straw Poll forced him to take a hard look at his Presidential campaign … which in Brian’s case was easy, because it entirely fit in his kitchen.

Not to be outdone by his Presidential rival, Mitt Romney, Congressman Forrest told an Iowa crowd that even though corporations are “people,” he opposes marriage between two corporations of the same gender.

593. the campaign song

July 26, 2011

Michelle Bachman was not the only Republican Presidential candidate getting in trouble for the unauthorized use of a liberal musician’s song at political events; Shania Twain recently served Congressman Brian Forrest with a cease-and-desist letter instructing him to stop using “Man, I Feel Like a Woman.”

584. sunday talk

July 11, 2011

Jealous that he had not thought of the quip “Obamneycare” to tie GOP frontrunner Mitt Romney to the President, Congressman Brian Forrest took to the Sunday morning talk shows and referred to his opponent as “Baromney Obamitt.” He let that sink in a few moments before uncorking his masterstrokes: “Tibam Paracklentabey” and “Obamichelle Barachman.”

543. the campaign event

April 17, 2011

To mark the official launch of his Presidential campaign, Minneapolis-area Congressman Brian Forrest staged a public re-enactment of his favorite scene from “Purple Rain.” However, he underestimated both how cold the waters of Lake Minnetonka would still be in mid-April and how much less attractive his own breasts were than Apollonia’s.