Ever the scholar of Scottish history, DeMark won critical praise for his thesis that the 13th century Dòmhnall (Donald), Duke of Islay and Kintyre and chief of the Clan Macdonald, was in fact the root of the McDonalds Fast Food Restaurants, inspiration for the film “Highlander,” and the original Donald Duck.
Surrender wasn’t Barry’s style. But then again, neither was shaolin, dragon fist, golden leopard, or wing chun– and the bouncer was proficient in all four. Barry opted to pay the cover charge after all.
Barry’s heart was full of warmth for his fellow man during the holiday season, and he wanted to share his good fortune with others. But owing to a holiday nog-related impairment and a few errant internet clicks, Barry’s planned gift to Amnesty International inadvertently ended up funding Department of Homeland Security operations through the next fiscal year.
Once again demonstrating her difficulty grasping the nuances of both the costumed oeuvre and holiday lore, Amy showed up to play Santa Claus at the mall dressed as a third century Byzantine cleric.
Matt Moulder’s efforts to capitalize on the holiday season by selling his brand of hot “Mould’ Wine” at Christmas markets in Europe was predictably unsuccessful.
In keeping with the season, Marshall released ‘Smells Like Christmas Spirit,’ an album of holiday music/early 90s rock mash-ups featuring such hits as: ‘Enter Snowman,’ ‘Santatage,’ ‘I’m Dreaming of a Black Hole Sun,’ ‘Frosty the Spoonman,’ ‘Hark! The Herald’s Angry Chair,’ ‘Rudolph the Rearviewmirror,’ ‘God Rest Ye, Merry Jeremy,’ ‘O, Hunger Strike,’ and the singularly haunting ‘Disarm (Carol of the Bells).’
A man given to following the latest fads, Brian started what he understood to be the ‘Paleolithic Diet’ in an effort to shed his ‘daddy weight.’ After only a few weeks of chewing rocks, Brian had lost 20 pounds and most of his teeth.
Language was a primary cause of stress between Steven and Alec: while Alec would speak only with words of German background, Steven chose to converse solely using vocabulary of French origin. Alec called Steven a “loathesome fiend”; Steven responded that Alec seemed “a damnèd miscreant.” Wyatt smoothed over their differences by assuring them the pig Alec cooked would make a fine ham dinner for Steven.
Impressed by the Masters, Alec reserved a tee time at Augusta National Golf Club. He protested, however, that there must be some miscommunication: he knew not what to do with this bag of metal sticks and no one would bring him a cup of Earl Grey.
Over a night of heavy whiskey drinking, unreconstructed Jacobites Brian Forrest and Alec Duffy formulated their ill-begotten plan to place Alec on the throne of Scotland as ‘Bonnie Prince Chunky.’
Extremely Short Stories 